Possum Farming. - Possum Farming

Possum Farming in Florida.

Possum Hair Paint Brushes: A Florida Speciality.

Welcome to the glamorous world of possum farming in sunny Florida, brought to you by Bill Bob Jones Farms. Here, we’ve turned possum pampering into an art form. Our possums, specifically the ladies, boast the most luxurious fur, perfect for crafting artists’ paintbrushes. And these aren’t just any possums; they’re living the high life in air-conditioned possum palaces and getting sheared twice a year. We’re all about that stomach hair – it’s like the cashmere of the possum world.

Now, these domesticated darlings are not your garden-variety possums. They’re about eight times bigger, which might make them seem like appealing house pets. But hold that thought – unless you fancy a giant rat-like roommate that’s notoriously tricky to potty train. Picture this: a colossal possum trotting around your house in a diaper. It’s a sight, but probably not the interior design statement you want to make. So, while their fur might be top-notch for your painting needs, as housemates, they’re a bit more… complicated.

Bill Bob Jones’ Latest Splurge.

So, Bill Bob Jones has snagged Maximo to make the Possum Breeders Association (PBA) social circles buzz. Maximo is a bit of a celebrity for those of you not up to speed in the high-stakes world of possum pedigree. He’s a three-time PBA champion, which is a big deal in circles where possums are more than just critters with cute snouts. But here’s the kicker: Maximo is a world-class stud. That’s right, this possum is the Casanova of his species, commanding top dollar for doing what possums do best. And to clarify, in case there’s any confusion, all this fanfare and financial fuss is indeed about Maximo, the possum, not Bill Bob Jones. Though, who knows? Maybe Bill has some hidden talents, too.

Help Wanted: A Truck with a Past.

We’ve hit a snag at the esteemed Possum fur paintbrush division. Our trusty truck, the unsung hero in stamping out those fancy metal bands for our brushes, is running on fumes, metal-wise. These bands aren’t just any old thing – they’re a crucial part of our world-famous design, holding possum fur to Cypress wood handles with a flair. And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance: the signature laughing possum emblem. It’s what makes a possum fur paintbrush more than just a tool – it’s a conversation starter.

But here’s our pickle: we need a new truck. Not just any car, though. This one needs to be a veritable antique, forged pre-1942. Why, you ask? Well, post-1942 metal just doesn’t cut it, thanks to what we believe is an extra zing from atomic testing radiation. It might sound like a conspiracy theory, but these details matter in the possum fur paintbrushes world. So, if you have a lead on a truck that’s been around since most of us were a twinkle in our parents’ eyes, we’re all ears. Possum Farming in Florida – it’s not just an occupation. It’s an adventure in historical automotive procurement.

Possum Shearing: A “Do Not Try This at Home” Activity

Just a friendly advice for anyone eyeing that wild possum in their backyard with entrepreneurial glee: put down the shears and step away from the possum. DIY possum fur harvesting is about as wise as knitting sweaters during a heatwave. Firstly, wild possum fur is to luxury what plastic forks are to fine dining – not exactly top-shelf material. It’s more ‘meh’ than ‘marketable.’

And let’s talk temperament. A wild possum is about as cooperative as a cat in a bathtub when shearing. They’re not exactly the cuddly type, more ‘hiss and scratch’ than ‘hug and pat.’ And if you’re thinking about the culinary potential – don’t. Wild possum meat is what gas station sushi is to gourmet dining to a Michelin-star meal. Stick to admiring these critters from a distance and leave the possum business to the pros.

Florida Silky: Meet Miss Betty, the Glamour Queen

Feast your eyes on this snapshot of Miss Betty, the South Florida Silky World poster girl. Tipping the scales at a svelte 100 lbs, she’s not just any possum – she’s a two-time PBA (Possum Breeders Association) champion, flaunting her fur in the super heavyweight class. Her coat isn’t just long; it’s a luxurious, silky waterfall that probably requires more grooming than most of our hairdos. Miss Betty’s glamour shot graces the new PBA Champions calendar, bringing a touch of possum chic to every month. It’s hard not to be a bit envious – after all, how many of us can claim calendar model status with such effortless, furry elegance?

New Tech at Jones Farms: Stealth Mode Shears

Over at Jones Farms, we’re cooking something special in possum grooming: Super silent fur shears. Because, let’s face it, there’s nothing quite like the thrill of accidentally waking up an 80 lb possum mid-shear. It’s the adrenaline rush you didn’t know you needed (or wanted). These possums aren’t just playing dead when startled – they’re giving us heart palpitations.

Our motto? “Let sleeping possums lie… while we stealthily trim their fur.” It’s like being a ninja but with hairdressing scissors. We aim to launch these covert clippers by spring, making “silent shearing” the new trend in Possum Farming in Florida. Get ready for some hush-hush haircuts!

Don’t try to sheer this one.

This bad boy was after the young ones in the farm’s nursery. I stopped him and then returned him to a distant lake.

Yes, it is me.

Sad News

In a twist of fate that could only happen to David Goldstein, his illustrious search and rescue possum, Angel. Has met an untimely end. Known far and wide for his knack in locating those in peril, Angel’s last rescue mission turned sour when he was mistaken for an oversized, potentially rabid rat. The earthquake victims, already frazzled, launched a preemptive strike with a hefty rock. Ironically, the uproar caused by this tragic case of mistaken identity helped the rescue team pinpoint the victims’ location. So, bizarrely, Angel’s final act was his most successful – albeit in a roundabout, somewhat rock-induced manner.

Domestic Possum Breeds: The Fashionable Four

Let’s meet the high society of the possum world, where color is more than just a hue – it’s a statement. First up, Marilynn Blond, the Marilyn Monroe of possums, dazzling with fur as platinum as it is posh. Then there’s Lucille Red, a fiery redhead that turns more heads than a bright stoplight.

Don’t forget Bogart Black, the Humphrey Bogart of the bunch, exuding classic charm and timeless elegance. Last but not least, the South Florida Silky, a possum so suave and smooth, makes silk pajamas look rough. Together, they’re the catwalk stars of the possum breeding world, proving that in possum fashion, it’s not just about the fur – it’s about flair.

Possum Apparel

As great as the belly fur from a possum is for paintbrushes, the rest of a possum’s fur is excellent for luxurious apparel. Our master of innovation, Mat Goostoferson, has created a full line of Possom hair apparel. He has fashioned many kinds of swimwear and thong bikinis. This is the most convertible apparel you will ever wear! You will make a fashion statement on the Florida beach, getting some sun. Thank you, Olga, for modeling the Lucille Red Thong Bikini. For a catalog, please see www.Sendapossum.org

Possum Cutters Convention Florida USA

There is still plenty of available space for seasoned and future cutters. We will be having seminars covering topics like.

Jones’s newest quiet sheers and prostatic mechanical fingers.

Possum Farming is a valuable and renewable national resource.

Possum Farming your gold mine.

Possum the other white meat.

Domesticated Possums are easy to raise and highly profitable.

You don’t want to miss the fun.

Is it a Mink Coat?

It is a little-known fact. The federal law of 1942 regarding truth in product advertising originated from the large amount of possum fur used in mink coat production. It is no wonder the mink coats produced before 1942 are considered superior to the coats of today.

Possum Camp

Here are two young city lads learning Possum Farming. There is nothing like the joy of learning to work with the freshly sheered Possum hair. We work with intercity kids who have gotten into a little misunderstanding with their parents. There is nothing like the swamps’ fresh air to help a young person understand the beauty of home and family. Our motto at Possum Camp is “There are no bad children. Just those who do not appreciate what they have.” Possum Farming in Florida.

Step up and do your part in stopping world hunger.

How Can Possums Aid in Reducing World Hunger?
One or two large possums can feed a small community suffering from hunger. Purchase and donate a Possum, and we will send it to communities throughout the U.S. and abroad. We also send you a photo of the possum who unselfishly gave their life to feed an impoverished community.

Visit www.Sendapossum.org
for more information.

The advantages of possum milk.

High Volume of Production – Possum milk can be produced at three times the rate per animal than cows or goats.
Ease of milk collection – Intelligent possums are trained to hook themselves up and disconnect themselves from the milking machine. As Bill Bob says, that’s Easy Farming.
No antibiotics: Because of the naturally robust immune systems of domesticated possums, there is no need to give them antibiotics.
No hormones. They have been bread so large there is no need to make them larger for milking. Not to mention the safety concerns of having a possum grow too large; they can be a little challenging to handle.
Duel uses animals. – The domesticated female possum is used in the paintbrush hair business. They can easily be used in the milk product lines. Finally, the older ones can be used for reducing the world hunger program.

Possum Milk Ice Cream

New from the research and development of the Bill Bob Jones Farms. After years of working on a meticulous breeding program. BBJ Farms announced a breakthrough in its possum milk product line. However, many have tried to solve the overly strong musk taste problem inherent in possum milk. Once again, BBJ Farms has come up with solutions to problems faced in the Possum industry. Although a tightly held secret, it is rumored that Maximo’s father, Dynamo, was involved in the breakthrough. BBJ Farms announced the creation of 5 grades of milk. From high musk taste (For cheeses) to no musk taste (for ice creams and breakfast)

Awesome like a Possum Recipes from Possum Farming.

The free-range possum eats mainly a diet of garbage and carrion meat. However, it is pretty tasty and versatile, and farm-raised possum tastes much like chicken. Prepare in the following ways:

Barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute. Possum kebabs, Possum Creole, Possum gumbo, deep-fried, stir-fried, lemon Possum, coconut Possum, Possum soup, Possum stew, Possum salad, Possum burger, Possum sandwich.

Served with a nice glass of Pinot Noir or my personal favorite, Rum and Possum Juice, straight up with a twist, make a meal that will impress any guest! Possums, much like Oysters and Truffles, are also considered an aphrodisiac.

It’s not just roadkill anymore.

More Possum Recipes:

Pickled Possum, Poached Possum, Possum Fried Possum, Pineapple Possum, Pepper Possum, Possum Puree, Popcorn Possum, Possum Pasta, Possum Tempura, Potatoes and Possum, Plantation Possum, and my favorite Plantains and Possum.

PBA

We want to congratulate the newest members of the Possum Breeders of America. (Lacy. Salem, Stew, Jake, Gavin, Talon, Kyle, Juan, and Chase). Thank you for your outstanding work with the possum groups at Possco, the mega possum conglomerate.
The PBA thanks you—Possum Farming in Florida.

More to come

Recipes for

fried possum fingers

deep fried possum

domestic possum florentine

Florida possum fondue

Country fried opossum

To My Friends

This site is brought to you by me for when you need a good laugh. Suppose you would like to contribute to this site with no possibility of monetary return. Please send your articles and comments to house707@gmail.com.

Disclaimer

Nothing on this site is for real. I made it all up in my head. People ask me what I do for a living. I would say, “I am a possum farmer, and I can prove it. Look at my website”. I enjoy people from PETA giving me a hard time about abusing animals. This site is all for fun, and if I have insulted anyone with the content of this page. Please do not return to this site again.

Thank You